the very best, pt. xxviii
The Very Best, our ongoing quest to document how cool and skilled all the NPC trainers in Pokemon X are, returns for the penultimate (probably?) time! I know you're all very excited.
What's An Elite For, Anyway
This is one of the last times in Pokemon that the Elite Four exists as a weird shrine in the middle of nowhere. The league here is a huge building with almost no occupants; each member's chamber features a grand spectacle showing off their preferred type; it's all very dramatic, and it gives the whole thing an air of solemnity and ritual. If you're here, you're part of a privileged few, the best of the best. Later on they'll try to reimagine what the standard Pokemon journey is all about.
Here we can fight the Elite Four in any order, and I decided to just fight them in the order they're listed on Bulbapedia, because that made data entry easier. I don't recall if in previous games where they let you do this (possibly just Unova?) they gave you such a clear indication of the types you'd be facing, but here an NPC tells you which types you'll be dealing with and you get the name of the chamber (e.g. "Flood Chamber") when you enter, so you can make a pretty informed decision without knowing what's coming.
So, let's make an informed decision to begin, shall we?
Pokemon League: Elite Four Malva
Malva has a Pyroar at level 63, a Torkoal at level 63, a Chandelure at level 63, and a Talonflame at Level 65. I'm a little underwhelmed by Torkoal but the rest of this team is pretty solid; her Talonflame has the two high-damage recoil attacks that every Talonflame should know, the others have some decent coverage options, and I am never sad to see a Chandelure. Personally I'd like to see Energy Ball on that Chandelure--the ultimate coverage move against pretty much everything that fire can deal with.
Malva is the person who greets us when we enter the Elite Four chambers properly, and for this first meeting she seems fairly cordial, though a little sarcastic about our heroism w/r/t defeating Team Flare. (Spoiler alert: she's a member of the group!) On a rematch she, uh, talks about how she is burning with hatred for us and wants to incinerate us. That seems normal. We get to fight Malva one more time, as part of the postgame story, so she doesn't get a final rating here.
Pokemon League: Elite Four Siebold
Siebold has a Clawitzer at level 63, a Gyarados at level 63, a Starmie at level 63, and a Barbaracle at level 65. The Gyarados in particular is nasty: it has Earthquake to deal with any Electric types, Ice Fang if you use Grass types to deal with Water, and Dragon Dance and Waterfall to round it out. That Dragon Dance allowed it to wipe out my party multiple times. As for the rest of the party, I have no complaints. Starmie is very good and the other two are solid. Skill Rating: 5/5
Siebold occupies the Way Too Intense Artist archetype, except his art is cooking. He asks us if we think Pokemon battles can be considered art and gets mad if we say no. He seems like he would probably be exhausting to hang out with. Coolness Rating: 2/5
Pokemon League: Elite Four Wikstrom
Wikstrom has a level 63 Klefki, a level 63 Probopass, a level 63 Scizor, and a level 65 Aegislash. I actually quite like the Klefki's moveset for a monotype team; normally Torment feels like a bit of a wasted slot but when used as part of a monotype team it can do some work to make whatever Pokemon the opponent picked to deal with it less effective. It also has Spikes, and some attack moves. But while Aegislash is very good and Scizor is solid, I think Probopass brings the team down. Skill Rating: 4/5
Wikstrom is a weapons-grade dork. Look at him. Just look at him. He talks like a modern person's idea of an old timey knight; lots of 'glorious'es and 'verily's and 'honorable's. Absolutely absurd human. Coolness Rating: 2/5
Pokemon League: Elite Four Drasna
Drasna has a level 63 Dragalge, a level 63 Druddigon, a level 63 Altaria, and a level 65 Noivern. I'm quite fond of the choice to lead with Dragalge here as a cover against Fairy types. It's slower than I'd like but it's a solid choice. I had not previously realized how low Druddigon's base stat total is; it's got solid defenses and pretty good attack but its speed and special defense are quite poor. Altaria and Noivern, on the other hand, are solid picks. It's a solid team but lacks that special sauce. Skill Rating: 4/5
Drasna is . . . an old lady who likes dragons, I guess? I guess they needed someone comparatively normal to anchor the rest of the Elite Four? Coolness Rating: 3/5
Pokemon League: Champion Diantha
Diantha has a level 64 Hawlucha, a level 65 Tyrantrum, a level 65 Aurorus, a level 65 Gourgeist, a level 66 Goodra, and a level 68 Gardevoir; the Gardevoir mega-evolves. The Aurorus sets Reflect and Light Screen, and has Thunder if you decide to try to deal with it with a Water type; the Hawlucha has X-Scissor to deal with Psychic types and Poison Jab to deal with Fairy types, which is pretty solid coverage. While I think the Aurorus and the Gourgeist are a touch underwhelming, the rest of the team are all capable of causing serious problems for a challenger. The Mega Gardevoir in particular is a force to be reckoned with; it would have wiped my team if I didn't decide to do some item cheese at the end.1 I doubt Diantha wins a tournament with other Champions, but I doubt she loses to any other trainers in Kalos. (So far???) Skill Rating: 5/5
I like Diantha. In her introduction, Lysandre asks her if she wouldn't rather stay young and beautiful forever and she seems puzzled by the question (it is, in fairness, kind of weird, but bear with me here): "Why would I want to play the same old roles forever? Youth may be beautiful, but it's not all there is to life. Everything changes. I want to live and change like that, too. So I look forward to playing different roles as I get older." She seems to value meeting the world where it's at, rather than trying to force her own expectations on it, and that's a perspective I think more people should have. The world changes; things are the way they are; you have to appreciate it for what it is, not what you'd like it to be. Coolness Rating: 5/5
Lumiose City: Pokemon Trainer AZ
AZ had slipped my mind--not as a story element but as a trainer we technically fight. But we do! He has a Torkoal, a Golurk, and a Sigilyph, all at level 60. No surprises here; his team is very straightforward. Skill Rating: 3/5
Look, I don't know how to judge how cool a 3000 year old man cursed to wander the world is. He did some things that we would probably now recognize as war crimes thousands of years ago; now he's a self-described "mere shell of a man." We don't have a lot of context for AZ as a man. But battling us apparently teaches him to love Pokemon again and he is finally able to reunite with his also-immortal Floette. Apparently there were datamined values for that Floette, but it took until Legends ZA for that particular tidbit to pay off. Anyway, many points deducted for all the murders, but he gets a point back for starting on his redemption arc. Maybe if I do this for Legends ZA2 he'll get a better score. Coolness Rating: 2/5
And that concludes the main story! We are given a medal for saving Kalos, there's a parade, everyone is happy, and we get credits. Everything is nice and clean. Next time it's time to go back to Lumiose City to solve some mysteries, and also to go to Kiloude City so we can finally beat up Calem for the last time and give him his rating. I think I can probably do that in one entry? There's a lot of fights in the postgame story but a lot of them are against the same set of characters (there are, like, seven against one character on her own), so hopefully it will go relatively quickly. I may end up needing to break it into two, but, well. We'll see, I guess! I'll see you then, friends.