the very best, pt. iii
Welcome back once again to The Very Best, an objective scientific ranking of every Pokemon Trainer's quality both as a trainer and as a human being in Pokemon X. Last week we met the Professor and left the big city; this week I am extremely tired because I stayed up until 5 am watching my pal Drex do a very silly Balatro speedrun, so we're going to do the sleepy storyline around Camphrier town and then call it a week. Let's begin!
Route 6 . . . And More???1
This is a little side story in which we visit a castle that has given all of its stuff away to pay off its debts to a rich asshole who owns a big gaudy palace. Everyone at the palace really plays up how awful the palace's owner is, and talks about how much money he must have, and talks about how inheriting wealth doesn't make you a good person. Even our pal Shauna seems to think this guy sucks, and she seems like the type who could make friends with anyone. (The villain in this game is also a billionaire who, worried about a future where overpopulation leads to competition over limited resources, decides that the only solution is genocide, where only a chosen wealthy few will be spared. Escapism!) Anyway, this game is fictional!
We have to wake up Snorlax with a Poke Flute2. This is, of course, a classic of the genre; this series really felt like a victory lap and celebration of the series, especially for Gen 1 but also for your favorites from previous generations, and this sort of callback highlights that.
There are two things I wanted to talk about here. First is that the design of Route 6 is very cute. If you follow the obvious lines, you will take a straight, cleanly manicured road up north, and then on the way back you will end up in an overgrown grassy labyrinth. You can, of course, take the original way back, but you're less likely to stumble on that route organically. I like this sort of design trick.
The second thing is that there are two trainers who seem to be time-shifted versions of their adult or child counterparts, hidden in the tall grass, and there's also some psychic and ghost Pokemon hanging out around here. It feels like they might have been trying to suggest that there is some sort of time travel shenanigans going on here. Anyway, here's some trainers.
Route 6, Main Path: Tourist Hiroko
Hiroko's team of Pikachu, Psyduck, and Pidgey is pretty solid for this stage of the game. Pidgey is probably the weak link here, but she can cover a lot of common types, and leading with Pikachu does mean she's got a pretty solid chance of getting some Paralysis off on her opponents. She's boasting about her battle prowess and I think she's actually got something to back that up. Skill Rating: 4/5
It's not really clear if Hiroko is actually joking when she says she wants to take our Pokemon home with her. It's a little off-putting. Coolness Rating: 2/5
Route 6, Main Path: Tourist Eriko
Unlike her compatriot to the south, Eriko's team is pretty easy to steamroll. Her Gulpin has the chance to get some poison off, and I'd probably give her an extra star if she wasn't sending that one out last--you can't get much mileage out of poison that late in the battle. Ralts and Zigzagoon at this point are quite weak--Ralts because it hasn't evolved yet and Zigzagoon because there are just better options by now. Skill Rating: 2/5
Eriko asks "Why do I travel? Why do I battle? Allow me to demonstrate!" and you'd be forgiven for assuming that the answer is going to be "to crush my enemies and hear the lamentation of their Pokemon", but actually she just likes seeing Pokemon having a good time. That's charming! We need more people like Eriko. Coolness Rating: 4/5
Route 6, Western Path: Poke Family Jan & Erin
Jan & Erin have a Furfrou each, and they pack a Super Potion, and they are an absolute beast for this stage of the game. Not only do they have a base stat total that you just can't match at this point, they have STAB Headbutt, and in a double battle, two Headbutts is enough to KO a lot of Pokemon you're likely to have at this point in the game. Skill Rating: 5/5
Jan & Erin, like most Poke Fans, have made enjoying Pokemon their entire personality; they also, notably, have some sort of bizarre scoring game with each other on who loves their Pokemon the most. Erin is winning by one point? This is very strange. Only an absolute sicko would attempt to mathematically quantify something as abstract and subjective as how much you like Pokemon. Coolness Rating: 1/5
Route 6, Western Path: Beauty Brigitte
Brigitte has an Espurr and a Butterfree, and this is . . . fine? These are both perfectly reasonable Pokemon to have. Skill Rating: 3/5
Brigitte has the sort of childlike whimsy I would expect of a Lass; she is also, I believe, the only Beauty we encounter that isn't ambushing us in a back alley in Lumiose City3 or in a place like the Battle Chateau which is presumably why she is carrying groceries. (I always wondered about this until I started doing research for this project.) Usually the Beauty class tries to be about, y'know, elegance and grace and all that; I always thought this was odd. When coupled with Backpacker Jerome later on, this suggests to me that something weird is going on here. Coolness Rating: 3/5
Route 6, Western Path: Youngster Tyler
Tyler's Venipede is nothing special at this point, but his Scraggy can hit pretty hard; I was trying to train up my new Honedge on this fight and it one-shotted me with a Feint Attack after his Venipede's Screech. Not a bad strategy! Skill Rating: 3/5
Tyler likes running, and shorts. Everyone should have a hobby, I guess. Coolness Rating: 2/5
Route 6, Western Path: Backpacker Roderick
Roderick brings a Bunnelby to battle; I don't think there's a world where that wins an encounter at this point. Skill Rating: 2/5
Roderick has come here all the way from the Unova region, to look at the fancy palace. I like his commitment to seeing the world so he can understand it; that attitude will take you far, Roderick. Good work. Coolness Rating: 4/5
Route 6, Eastern Path: Backpacker Jerome
Jerome's solitary Fletchling is probably doomed to lose most fights it gets in. A few more levels and this one would be interesting,4 but we don't live in that world. Skill Rating: 2/5
Jerome is Brigitte's counterpart; he talks like a Hiker, complete with the folksy patois ("Yer tellin' me there're Pokemon lurkin' in here?"; "Bwa ha ha!"; etc.), but he is a Backpacker. And like Brigitte he is concealed almost entirely by the tall grass. I'm telling you, there's weird time travel stuff going on here. Coolness Rating: 3/5
Route 6, Eastern Path: Tourist Mari
Illumise is a pretty solid choice for a solo Pokemon; it's got decent base stats, and can definitely win a lot of the matchups available at this point in the game. There's nothing exciting here, but it's a good pick. Skill Rating: 3/5
I have decided to find it charming that Mari thinks we should be mentioned in a travel guidebook on account of how good we are at Pokemon battles. I don't have the heart to tell her that we just moved here, and actually it's our mom who is famous. Coolness Rating: 4/5
Route 6, Eastern Path: Youngster Jacob
With a Croagunk and a Beedrill to his name, Jacob has a team that . . . is really not destined to take him anywhere, if we're being honest. It's fine. Croagunk doesn't get useful for like 20 more levels, but we are at that brief window of time where Beedrill is pretty solid.5 Skill Rating: 3/5
Jacob talked big about how his path to Championship begins here, and now, when he defeats us, but he immediately gives up on his dream upon his (not unexpected) defeat, and then he gives a weird supervillain "I'll be the Champion some day, you'll see, you'll all see" afterwards. Extremely bad vibes from this kid. Coolness Rating: 1/5
Route 6, Eastern Path: Tourist Takemi
Takemi's Volbeat has Confuse Ray and Double Team, which, combined with its respectable base stat total, makes this actually a pretty solid solo pick. I don't respect the strat, but it's a good one. Skill Rating: 4/5
I think Takemi is meant to be Mari's new husband, even though Mari doesn't mention him at all; he is a newlywed and that's all he can talk about. I'm feeling generous so I'll cut him some slack, even if he thinks being happy is enough to spare him from defeat at my hands. Coolness Rating: 3/5
DISAPPOINTING BONUS!!! Route 5 Backtrack Now That We Have Cut6: Youngster Anthony
We can't fight Anthony's level 10 Carvanha and Pancham until we get Cut from Parfum Palace, but he is still leveled as if he were with the rest of the Route 5 types. I can only conclude that Anthony has been slacking, or possibly has been trapped by a sudden overgrowth of bushes and unable to train; either way, he is eminently dunkable. Skill Rating: 1/5
Anthony isn't the first shorts kid we've encountered. He's not even the second one. He does seem to be even more obsessed with shorts than the other ones, though, which, if we're being honest, is not really a distinction I think you want to have. Coolness Rating: 1/5
It's just one kid. Don't get too excited.↩
For about six seconds at the start of this series, I considered putting the accent mark over the e in Pokemon and related marks. I think I even did in the post announcing it? Anyway I'm far too lazy for that.↩
I still haven't figured out how I'm going to deal with them, since I think they might be random spawns? We'll figure it out, together. And by that I mean I'll figure it out and I might remember to talk about it.↩
It's a shame rematches aren't in this game; there's definitely a few trainers that would be really fun to see later on with a more advanced team. It would also immensely complicate this project.↩
People often complain that Bug types are weak, but in my professional estimation, they're meant to give you an early edge with their quick evolutions; other lines will catch up later on, but grabbing a Bug or two from the early routes is usually a pretty solid addition to your team, and their strength against Psychic and Dark types keeps them relevant later on.↩
This is I think the only backtrack where they forgot to level the guy up appropriately, but it's not the only backtrack! We'll get to go back and meet all sorts of fun new randos who were previously inaccessible to us as our Pokemon learn new moves. And now for my sixth or seventh hottest take: I like HMs. I think the sense that your team is gaining the ability to tackle more obstacles as you progress is much more interesting than just having someone show up and add a new type of taxi you can summon when you hit certain plot points, and I think the constraint it puts on your team built and occupying spaces in your moveset makes the process of building a team and choosing moves more interesting.↩